Tag: blame
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What They Don’t Tell You About The NICU
It’s been 4 months since my little baby came into this world. 4 months since I was being rushed back for an emergency c-section. 4 months since the doctors cheered after hearing your little cry. 4 months since you were taken out of the operating room and into the NICU before I could see you.
Just two days before that we were given a tour of the NICU. I remember feeling pretty calm and comfortable with the fact that that’s where my baby would be. The nurse showed us the different pods, told us what to expect, and explained what he would need to do in order to go home: breathe on his own, eat on his own, and gain weight.
Looking back now I realize that there were so many things that they didn’t tell us. That I wasn’t prepared for.
They don’t tell you that in just a couple of days that place will terrify you. It will become a second home you wish you never had.
They don’t tell you how absolutely depressing it is to be discharged. Packing your bags and being wheeled out of the hospital without your baby is enough to make you want to vomit.
They don’t tell you that you will feel this way EVERY TIME you leave that hospital without your baby.
They don’t tell you that just days after a c-section, the walk from the parking deck to the NICU will be the longest, most painful walk of your life.
They don’t tell you that holding your baby for the first time will be the best and worst moment of your life. You finally get to hold him – yay! But it’s not supposed to be this uncomfortable and terrifying.
They don’t tell you that your interstate anxiety will instantly become a thing of the past because nothing – rain, flooding, thunderstorms, and not even the Afton mountain fog – will keep you from seeing your baby.
They don’t tell you that you will blame the nurses and doctors. Your baby was having such a great day yesterday and now he’s back on oxygen and hooked up to IV’s. The medical staff must not be keeping a close enough eye on him.
They don’t tell you that you will dream about the NICU. You will hear beeping machines in your sleep.
They don’t tell you that you won’t feel like a mom. Someone else is taking care of your newborn. They are feeding him, changing him, and keeping him alive. What are you here for?
They don’t tell you that you will cuss the people in the parking deck and the ones walking slow in front of you because it’s 1:55 and if you’re not in the NICU at 2:00 they will feed your baby without you and that’s what you look forward to everyday.
They don’t tell you that you will pull into a rest stop on your way home to call and bitch at the nurse for not giving your constipated baby a glycerin yet. Obviously that’s way more important than what her other babies may be dealing with.
They don’t tell you that you will hate your significant other. He obviously doesn’t love your baby as much as you do. How dare he want to take a day off from visiting him to relax and get some things done around the house. He must not care.
They don’t tell you that your friends will piss you off and not even know it. How dare they have fun together and live a normal life when you feel like yours is falling apart.
They don’t tell you that you will keep these feelings bottled up. You know you’re being irrational.
They don’t tell you that you will become miserable to be around. You don’t want to have fun. You don’t want to tell your family members that your baby is having a “bad” day.
They don’t tell you that someone telling you that their coworkers sisters best friends baby was in the NICU and she’s 5 years old now and healthy as can be will NOT make you feel better. That’s not YOUR baby. YOUR baby may be different.
They don’t tell you that someone telling you to “take a day off” will piss you off. How are you supposed to take a day off when that’s your baby over there, in the hospital, an hour away?
They don’t tell you that you will make the trip to see him two times in one day because you got home and realized that you missed him and needed more cuddles.
They don’t tell you that even though he isn’t home yet, you still don’t get much sleep.
They don’t tell you that you will eventually become numb to the feeling of nurses rushing in when his oxygen and heart rate drops once again, causing a machine to alarm.
They don’t tell you that you will become an expert on NEC, chronic lung disease, and various other diseases that can affect preemies.
They don’t tell you that you will struggle. The money it takes to travel there adds up. You’ll take weeks off work because your baby needs you. You’re significant other will take FMLA when your baby isn’t doing good. You will understand what it means to be broke.
They don’t tell you that people will talk. He was probably born early because I worked out during my pregnancy, right? Or I must have been doing SOMETHING wrong to make him come early.
They don’t tell you that you will blame yourself. Even though you know there was no way to stop the preeclampsia, it was still your body that was the problem. And cutting back on sodium and drinking more water doesn’t touch a blood pressure that is 178/119.
They don’t tell you that you will go from ignoring every unknown caller to rushing to your phone at the sound of the first ring. Who knows, that number from Houston, Texas may be a doctor that just recently moved to VA.
They don’t tell you that your heart will race when your phone does ring. Is it UVA? Is it bad news? Is Grayson ok?
They don’t tell you that you will always have a terrible, awful, feeling that your baby will never come home with you.
They don’t tell you that you will learn to smile to hide your jealousy. You will try to hold back tears as yet another happy family walks out of the NICU with their baby, taking him home.
They don’t tell you that the first couple nights home with him will be absolutely terrifying. Is he breathing ok? It’s hard to tell without monitors on him.
They don’t tell you that you won’t remember much from that time frame. If it didn’t have to do with the NICU and your baby, it didn’t happen.
They don’t tell you that you won’t know fear until you see your baby being rushed BACK to UVA in an ambulance because his oxygen is low. All those tears you’ve held back for weeks will finally pour out.
They don’t tell you that your heart will stop and your soul will leave your body when you hear the doctors mention pneumonia. You know what that means for a baby that delicate and small.
They don’t tell you that your blood will boil when his 6-year-old brother tells his grandma that he’s big and healthy because he “got out of the hospital on time, unlike Grayson”. You let it slide and don’t say a word because he’s only 6 years old, you know he didn’t think of that on his own. 6 year olds don’t say things like that. Adults do.
They don’t tell you that you that people you don’t even know will send you their prayers. Friends and family members that you haven’t seen or spoken to in years will give you their support and love.
They don’t tell you that this whole experience will make you thankful. There will be a new meaning to life. Your baby fought for his life and won. He may be fragile but he’s STRONG.
Babies are born smaller and earlier than Grayson everyday. He was born with no life threatening health issues. He spent 53 days in the NICU. He’s one of the lucky ones.
Grayson James was born at 32 weeks gestational age at 2 lbs 13 oz. He’s now 4 months old and 9 lbs 3 oz. That’s something to be thankful for.
Credit: Morgan Leigh Propst
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Stop Blaming ASD For Your Childs Behaviour
My son has ASD!!!
ASDers aren’t naughty!?
So you think asders aren’t naughty?
On a meltdown there’s no one to blame.
But when they’re being naughty
Ffs SAY SOMETHING, DEAL WITH IT!
For shame!
My ASDer is naughty at times
You’ll hear me screaming his name
Because I will tell him
When there is blame
And I will tell him again
And Again
Do not make excuses when he is naughty
Meltdowns are NOT the same
You use THE excuse if he is naughty
You will just have just yourself to blame
You will teach him they are one and the same
And you will just have yourself to blame!
Please discipline your ASder, he needs to know the shame.
He cannot do as he pleases
There are rules that he has to follow
and he can’t avoid the blame.
stop telling me it is ASD my child has the same
Do not use his condition as an excuse for being a pain
We understand the meltdown, when life is just too much
explain to others the difference between the two
coz naughty is naughty don’t use ASD as an excuse”.
Author is unknown
Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is the name for a range of similar conditions, including Asperger syndrome, that affect a person’s social interaction, communication, interests and behaviour.
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Rape Victims Clothing Placed On Display
An exhibition in Brussels is displaying items clothing worn by rape victims at the time they were assualted, the idea behind this is to show it doesn’t matter what you wear and no one is at fault being attacked other than the perpatraotor.
The exhibition,is held near the Belgian capital, is called “Is it my fault?” It refers to the self-doubt that many victims feel after an attack, the Flanders News website reports.
The clothes were leant to the organisers – victim support group CAW East Brabant – include track suit bottoms, pyjamas and dresses some of which are items of children’s clothing.
CAW’s Liesbeth Kennes told VRT1 radio “What you immediately notice when you walk around here: they are all very normal pieces that anyone would wear, some people assume that sexual assault victims tend to wear provocative clothing which is untrue, even if a woman is wearing what others class as “slutty” or revealing that does not give people the right to assault her.
There is even a children’s shirt with an image of ‘My Little Pony’ in the exhibition, which brings home a harsh reality, and a pink dress with the age 3-4 written in the label.
Victim blaming still remains a problem in sexual assault cases, where the victim may be questioned on the assumption that they were at least partly responsible for the sexual aggression against them.
No man, woman or child should ever be abused and it shouldn’t matter what they wear
While victims are accused of dressing provocatively,the only person to blame is the perpetrator, the victim is never to blame
The exhibition hopes to raise awareness that clothing doesn’t matter and that if you are sexually assaulted whilst wearing a short dress or skirt that is not a reason to be raped you are not to blame and a victim
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What If He Tries To Rape Me Again?
I think my relationship may be about to get abusive … it started when I stupidly did not discourage a male from being sexual with me over social media
It was wrong of me and I know that.
I stupidly allowed my PND and low self esteem to take the better of me in that situation
My thought was
“You’re fat and ugly, your partner thinks the same too”
So when another male showed sexual interest I allowed it
While I did encourage him, I didn’t discourage him either
And that was wrong
My partner found out..My partner
My lover
My saviour
My BEST FRIEND
He’s hurt. Of course he’s hurt and I have nobody to blame for that but meHow could I ever hurt him like I have ?!
How could I ever have been so fucking stupid???
We spoke and I thought things were somewhat sorted between usI knew the trust would be hard to rebuild
I know because he’s shattered my trust before
More than once
But that isn’t the point.
He wanted to have sex in the utility room, I said noHe pushed and pushed and forced his penis inside of me
Without consent
Is this rape?God knows I deserve it
I got out of that situation unharmed, I went outside to avoid him for a whileCame back, and he acted as though nothing had happened
Cue bed that night, he again tried to initiate sexI complied, it’s the least I can do after betraying his trust
The sex was rough, I didn’t enjoy it. But I allowed it to continue regardless
Half hour after he finished he wanted to go again, again I complied
It was this time when he strangled me, I couldn’t breathe.I justified it in my head “he’s upset, he wants to hurt me without actually hurting me”
I mentioned it the day after
He “didn’t realise he had done it”
Ok, not to worry
We spent the day together and had a good laugh,I hadn’t laughed like that in such a long time
We had such a good day together as a family
Again, back in bed that night he brought up my infidelityWe spoke, I asked if he wanted to hit me, I felt like I deserved it.
He was horrified I even suggested such a thing
“Id never hit a woman, EVER”
I apologised
He again initiated sex
He wanted anal, I refused
That didn’t stop him
He forced himself in me once again
And despite my screams and crying he continued
I tried to get away, he held me in place while he continued to force sex
I again, thankfully managed to get awayI ran, I was so distraught, I ran to the bathroom
But there is no lock
So, naked, scared and still crying I ran to my car
I drove away
I had nowhere to go. I’d left my phone so couldn’t ring anyone for help
And stupidly, all I wanted was my partner. The man who was my everything
But also the man who he caused me to be in this situation
I returned home, he was looking for me“Are you ok?”
NO, no I am not
“You wanted me to hurt you”
Not like that …
he didn’t understand my point of view
I returned to bed and put some clothes onWhat if he tries to rape me again?
What if this is the start of an abusive relationship?
Is this what I deserve?
He acted like nothing happened. And went away to work in the morningWill tonight be better? Only time will tell?
I know everyone will read this and think
“Why stay?! Take your children and leave!”
But I can’t, it isn’t who he is.
He’s an amazing man, and my entire world
Thankfully I can recognise that what has happened the last two nights is wrong
If it continues, I’m gone.
But for now. I’m hoping he will be the man I love
The caring, affectionate man
I’m hoping this is his way of getting his frustration out for what I’ve done to himI’m hoping this is the end