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Tag: better

  • Hey You Take Your Freaking Pill

    Hey, you.

    Take your freaking pill.

    (Your anti depressant. Your SSRI. Your anti anxiety med.)

    You know, whatever pill you cringe at the thought of having to take?

    Yeah. That one.

    Take it, please.

    You deserve to be healthy.
    You deserve to feel sunshine.
    You deserve joy.

    You deserve a brain that doesn’t beat you up.

    And yes, I know it’s kind of a pain.

    I also know some days you might feel strong enough to do without it.

    But that little pill isn’t for the good days, my dear.

    And don’t you remember the bad days?

    Those days when the storm clouds come rolling in.

    When energy leaks out of your body like someone pulled the drain.

    When brushing your teeth feels like a marathon and sunshine is offensive and even the most joyful noises of your household sounds like a million bees in your head…

    I remember those days.

    And that’s why I take the pill.

    One day at a time, one refill at a time, one season at a time, I take the pill.

    You see, sometimes sunshine tastes like sour chalk and has to be washed down with water.

    Sometimes God’s biggest miracles come in little orange bottles.

    Sometimes your very salvation is written on a prescription pad, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    Fight the good fight with me. Stay in the sunshine. Vulnerability is courageous as hell, and it takes so much courage to admit you need this.

    Warrior on, my friend. You aren’t alone.

    Take your freaking pill.

    I’m sure as heck taking mine.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/martina.thompson2

  • None Of My Children Have Slept In A Crib

    None of my children have ever slept in a crib. I have always proudly co-slept with them and they are welcome in my bed until they outgrow the need. Some benefits of co-sleeping are:

    Encourages independence

    While it is commonly believed that co-sleeping will create clingy, dependent children, research proves that the opposite is true. Children who share sleep with their parents develop independence earlier and need less transitional objects because they do not experience separation anxiety. “When a child routinely goes to sleep in the presence of an adult, or with an adult holding her, it’s extremely rare to find thumb sucking or attachment to security objects,” explains Dr. Jay Gordon, author of Good Nights: The Happy Parents’ Guide to the Family Bed.

    Builds self esteem

    Children who have grown up in a family bed have increased self-esteem, experience less behavioral problems, are less prone to peer pressure and report more happiness and general satisfaction with life. They are less likely to suffer from stress disorders than children who did not share sleep with their parents.

    Promotes physical and mental well-being

    In addition to psychological benefits, babies who co-sleep appear to thrive better.

    Parenting expert and pediatrician Dr. William Sears explains, “Over the past thirty years of observing sleep-sharing families in our pediatric practice, we have noticed one medical benefit that stands out; these babies thrive. ‘Thriving’ means not only getting bigger, but also growing to your full potential, emotionally, physically and intellectually. Perhaps it’s the extra touch that stimulates development, or perhaps the extra feedings (yes, sleep-sharing infants breastfeed more often than solo sleepers).”

    Reduces risk of stress disorders and SIDS

    In his years of research on co-sleeping, Harvard psychiatrist Michael Commons has discovered that babies who sleep alone are at increased risk for SIDS and stress disorders. Co-sleeping babies sleep in physiological harmony with their mothers. The proximity of the mother and infant actually regulates the infant’s breathing, sleep state, arousal patterns, heart rates and body temperature. Babies who are left to cry alone experience elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which causes damage to the developing brain. “It makes you more prone to the effects of stress, more prone to illness, including mental illness and makes it harder to recover from illness,” explains Commons.

    Easier for nursing moms

    Nursing moms who co-sleep with their babies report feeling better rested. Because they do not have to leave the bed to nurse, their sleep patterns are less disturbed and they feel more alert and focused during the daytime.

    Promotes family closeness

    Children raised in the family bed lifestyle develop close bonds with their family and report more feelings of connectedness and happiness than children who sleep alone. Sleeping together provides more hours in each day for family members to connect and share loving, nurturing moments under the sweet breath of sleep.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/DaynaMartin

     

  • Here’s Why Your Child Misbehaves Just For You

    Have you ever had one of those days where you wonder what you’re doing wrong because your child is so well behaved for everyone else, but isn’t for you?

    Challenging behaviour, pushing boundaries, screaming, crying, not listening, shouting, you get the idea.

    People will say you’re too soft and need to get tougher.

    Or that you’re not disciplining them properly and need to gain more respect.

    Or that you have lost control.

    Or that you are a rubbish parent.

    Want to know what I think?

    Its because your child knows you understand them more than anyone else.

    It’s because your child knows that they can show frustration, anger and emotions that we all have and you will still unconditionally love and support them.

    It’s because your child knows that you’re the one person who can make everything better.

    It’s because your child knows you’re the person they can always go to with all of their problems and will never be silenced.

    It’s because your child knows that if they want to cry then they can when you’re there.

    Next time you pick your child up from nursery or from school where they say they’ve been angels all day and once home their behaviour becomes challenging maybe it’s because they’ve been holding it together all day and with you they can let all of their emotions out. Because they know you are never going anywhere. Because you’re their mum.

    So why do they behave differently for you?

    It’s not because you’re their soft touch.

    It’s because you’re their safe place.

    You’re not doing anything wrong, in fact you’re doing everything right. You’ve reassured your child that they can share their feelings with you and that whatever those feelings are, you will love them unconditionally.

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Children’s mental wellbeing means the world and I’ve started sharing what I do at home to encourage my kids to talk about their feelings and emotions through play – have a look here www instagram.com/thenofiltermum

  • Today I Didn’t Like Being A Mum I Yelled More Than I Loved

    Today, I didn’t like being a mom.

    Today, I yelled more than I loved.

    Today, I cried.

    Today, my kids picked on each other all day.

    Today, I don’t remember smiling.

    Today, I don’t remember laughing.

    Today, I wanted to pack up and go sit on a beach with a cold drink completely alone.

    Today, I didn’t want to be around my kids.

    Today, I didn’t like my kids, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them.

    Today, the mom guilt is more than I’ve ever felt in all 11 years of parenting.

    A toddler who got me up at 4:45am, then fought for an hour for a nap.

    A hormonal pre teen who is trying to navigate his new found emotions.

    So, I’m going to lay here, drink my mine, maybe cry some more, and hope tomorrow is better.

    I’ll pray for more patience, a calmer heart, and a good nights sleep.

    I want moms to know they aren’t alone. It’s ok to want time away from your kids. It’s ok if you snuck to the bathroom to cry. It’s ok if you can’t wait for bedtime.

    Stop making moms feel they need to love every second of every day of motherhood, because they don’t.

    It’s hard. It’s so freaking hard.

    So, cheers to you mama, (or dad) I’ll just be laying here, regretting how much I yelled today, and strive to better tomorrow.

    Credit https://www.facebook.com/brandi.mathena

     

  • Why Leaving My Wife Was The Worst Mistake

    I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her 2 months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary.

    We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out.

    I travelled for work, stayed in a different hotel at least three nights a week. That’s how I met Eve*.

    We got to know each other over time. We became Facebook friends. We sent messages to each other all day and night. She was also married, also had two kids. We had so much in common, we soon fell in love. I felt like she ‘got’ me.

    This was all during a very trying time in my marriage. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t look forward to going home. My wife had put on weight, we hardly ever spoke, she always looked so miserable.

    Little did I realise that I was the reason she was so down and depressed. I didn’t pay her any attention. I took her for granted. I was too busy wishing my life was more exciting, being romanced online, spending all of my free time thinking how I could get out.

    I believed she didn’t love me. I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a paycheck.

    She spent her free time taking care of us — our kids, making our suppers, doing out washing, making lunches, doing homework, projects, shuttling kids to sport, taking care of the pets they loved so much, their friends, and had a job of her own on top of it all.

    Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention: a weekend away, a date night, a movie — everything I ended up doing with Eve behind her back and after I left my family.

    We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other. And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!

    I moved to another province with Eve. My now ex-wife got custody of our kids. I saw them every second weekend, the usual ‘Dad’ set up.

    New beginnings

    Life was sweet!

    Eve and I had an amazing sex life. A connection I believed I never had with my ex. We had a large circle of friends. My family loved her. My kids liked her.

    But my ex could never bring herself to meet Eve – she felt betrayed. I hated her even more! She was childish. She was mean. She never cared about me or my happiness. I didn’t care about my ex’s feelings when I posted photos of us on Facebook… I had Eve and a whole new life and it was fantastic!

    We were together for about six or seven years but never married – we believed marriage was not our thing.

    I believed that after 15 years with my ex, we’d given it all we could and our time together was up, there was nothing we could do to salvage our relationship or marriage. Eve was my future, Eve was who I should have been with all along.

    Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she “got” me; no matter how good the sex was; the “honeymoon” came to an end.

    Eve and I started snapping at each other. Little fights here and there. I had a moment of pure realisation one night, at about 2am.

    I realised that I missed the woman who created my first home and family. I realised that if I’d treated my ex-wife the way I’d treated Eve, used the hours I spend woo-ing Eve on my ex, she’d have bloomed.

    If I’d stopped being negative about her and our relationship to my family and friends they wouldn’t have been so negative to her and she wouldn’t have pulled into herself and shied away.

    She became someone I convinced myself I no longer knew or got along with because I never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved.

    I thought I had, but when I got down and really thought about it I never really did. I never really let her in. I had ended my marriage years before with the simple decision that she was no longer who or what I wanted. And I’d convinced my family and friends the same – that she was no good for me!

    Regret sets in

    But I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids lives. Missed being a family with them. I let their mother battle with raising them alone. Yes I helped financially, but a man living outside his family has no real idea what the costs are on the single mother. While Eve and I ate steaks on the weekends, my ex-wife was living on egg and toast.

    And do you know that she never complained? She never demanded more money out of me. She never stopped me from seeing the kids. Never said no if I changed plans on her at the last minute. She gave up her weekends so that my mother could spend time with her grandchildren. She left me to get on with my life with Eve, even though it must have killed her.

    Like any relationship, it had started out good – great in fact – but when it go bad I decided to leave… I walked out and divorced a woman who – and I can only see this now – would have done anything for me. But I’d told myself she wouldn’t or couldn’t.

    My ex-wife stayed single for 8 years. She dated but never got involved. Her being single was also a kind of affirmation for me – that no one wanted her – that everything I’d decided she lacked, so did other men… She actually stayed single to focus on our children.

    Too late

    And then came the day she met Craig. I never thought it would bug me in any way if she got a boyfriend. I thought it would be great! But I was very wrong. I felt hurt. I felt jealous. I even felt angry and maybe betrayed.

    She moved in with Craig, along with my kids. She set up a new home. A new family, with my kids… it was a very bitter pill to swallow.

    I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten.

    I watched via Facebook and through conversations with our old mutual friends how Craig spoiled her and the kids. Their weekends were spent on the beach – he surfed with my son. They went hiking in the Burg. They went to Mauritius where he proposed on a kayak and she said yes — they got married.

    My daughter was a bridesmaid. My son was a groomsman. Craig’s parents and brother welcomed my ex-wife and children into their family. They told everyone how blessed they were to be gaining them as family.

    She glowed with happiness. She radiated love and none of it was for me! My heart felt like it had been ripped out.

    It should have been me.

    Don’t be me. You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest.

    Today I live alone and still only see my kids occasionally. They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?

    Of all the things Eve was, she was never the mother of my children – my original true love.”

    “HOPE this helps a few marriages, Love and appreciate a Good woman”.

    Credit #Allos_of_Mr_Lakusu

  • What can be done to create conditions that make exclusive breastfeeding possible?

    I frequently receive emails from disappointed mothers asking me why it is that they were not able to breastfeed exclusively. It is true that a small number of women are unable physically to produce all the milk the baby needs no matter what they do. But in most cases, what happens during labour and birth and the first few days after the birth is directly related to mothers having difficulties.

    The mothers usually say they tried everything but it just did not work for them. They blame breastfeeding, they feel breastfeeding is not what it is promoted to be, and see breastfeeding as unreliable; often the mothers blame themselves. Nobody tells them it is not their fault and, in fact, it isn’t their fault. It is the health care system that is to blame for not creating the necessary conditions for breastfeeding to work.

    What can be done to create conditions that make exclusive breastfeeding possible?

    1. The health professionals should avoid unnecessary interventions during labour and birth. An undisturbed birth is one of the essential prerequisites for breastfeeding to happen. Today, almost all women experience at least one unnecessary intervention. In some hospitals in the affluent world almost all women in labour end up with epidurals and in the US and Canada around 40% have a caesarean section.

    2. The baby should be skin to skin with the mother immediately after the birth and this contact should not be interrupted until the baby has latched and finished breastfeeding. Babies are capable of crawling on their own to the breast and latching on without help. In many hospitals, skin to skin contact is symbolic only and lasts only 5 or 10 minutes, if that. The photo shows a mother skin to skin with her baby immediately after a caesarean section.

    3. The health professional should check the baby’s latch and provide practical help if the baby is not latched on well. If breastfeeding hurts, something is wrong, and the latch needs to be adjusted. Pain or discomfort during breastfeeding are signs that the mother needs help. Mothers should not be told that painful nipples are normal and they should just wait it out. Furthermore, a baby is less likely to get milk adequately if not latched on well. The earlier the mother gets good help, the better.

    4. Mothers need to be shown how to know the baby is actually getting milk from the breast. A baby is not receiving milk from the breast just because he has the breast in his mouth and makes sucking movements.

    5. Mothers should be provided with followup within a day or two of discharge from hospital, not in a week or two, by someone knowledgeable and experienced with helping mothers breastfeed.

    You can read more about how birthing practices may affect breastfeeding in my eBook (also available as a paperback) called Breastfeeding: Empowering Parents: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FS6K9SF

    Dr.Jack Newman

  • You Don’t Have To Be Loud and Angry To Make A Difference

    I made the mistake of thinking I had to be louder and angrier to make a difference.

    I would scream and nag people, I thought I had to join in the bitching of others to be accepted by them, I had to be the most out spoken and rude to fit in.

    I was wrong.

    I have never achieved anything worthwhile by raging, shouting at someone, putting all my energy into bad feelings, or forgetting to be compassionate, I have never made a friend who would say bad about me behind my back unlike before with all my false bitchy friends.

    I give people the benefit of the doubt, I trust that their intentions are good. Where I can I make friends, build relationships and forge connections. I never forget kindness offered to me and am willing to repay any given to me at a moments notice.

    I also make mistakes, make amends, practise again, get it wrong, try again, maybe get it right or do it all again. I learn so much from better people again and again and again.

    Slow, steady, kind, controlled is how I do it, I hope I never forget.

    You know what since I let my anger go, I sleep better, I feel better, I AM BETTER!

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