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Tag: behaviour

  • Stop Public Shaming Our Kids

    Stop Public Shaming Our Kids

    Behavior Management and Public Shaming.

    I am the father of a teenager. The #1 rule I’ve learned is to not embarrass my teenager in front of their peers.

    I get it. I respect that.

    Here’s my question. Why do we hang “behavior charts” in public for everyone to see?

    Why, when a student is having a hard time, does everyone have to know?

    Why does everyone have to be reminded that Billy is struggling, or made a mistake, every time they look at the chart?

    Why do we do it?

    Why do teachers embarrass their students when they mess up?

    How is a kid supposed to feel safe in a classroom where every time they make a mistake, they get embarrassed in front of their peers?

  • Alton Towers You’re A Disgrace

    Dear Alton Towers,

    On the 28th September 2020 I spent my Birthday at your theme park. On your website, it states Alton Towers wants to “help guests with additional needs have a fabulous and unforgettable experience”. It certainly was an “unforgettable” day for all the wrong reasons. I went with my girlfriend Lucy and my sister Hannah. Hannah has Cerebral Palsy and is in a wheelchair, but that is all. She is completely aware of her surroundings, understands everything you say and communicates non-verbally.

    Through this letter I will: (1) Briefly explaining the day we had and why we were so upset followed by (2) Our suggestions to you about how Alton Towers can do better so we can make this world a more inclusive place. Please note, I have done my research, can see it from your side and understand health and safety comes first. This is not a slanging match, but due to seeing how upset my sister was yesterday, I feel I have a duty to approach this subject in a positive and enlightening manner to ensure other people do not have the same experience.

    An explanation of the day we had and why we were so upset
    We have been to Alton Towers every year for many years, and have had NO issues. Hannah has previously rode on every ride she wanted, and has had the best experiences. Arriving at Alton Towers around 12 noon yesterday, we went straight to the customer services to gain our disability access band and head off to have fun! We got given a leaflet for our virtual queue but at no point was any explanation on what rides we could go on given to us, or Hannah’s disability questioned further.

    Starting off the day we headed to the Smiler. Seeing Hannah in her wheelchair (looking pretty obvious Hannah cannot walk unaided), we were shown to the disabled access entry point, then met by two more workers who showed us up in the lift. Once getting to the top of the lift we were greeted by a miserable woman. I noticed a sign saying to ride the rollercoaster, the individual must have to walk 25m unaided. Once I had noticed this, I told the woman Hannah wouldn’t be able to do so, in which she replied ‘yeah she can’t ride’. The lady then turned to her coworker and shouted across ‘SHE CAN’T WALK’, and shut the door behind us. My issues with this situation is that Hannah is a human – please speak to her directly. Do not embarrass her by shouting out her insecurities across the ride for a crowd of people to hear. We passed three lots of workers, and not one of them thought to explain the rules of the ride before we got up there and had to turn around.

    We shrugged this off as we understand the importance of health and safety. Off to Rita we went. Hannah loves Rita, this will cheer her up. We got straight onto Rita with no wait time which was a BONUS. The train before us got delayed due to someone pulling their phone out, meaning that the ride had to be restarted. This resulted in a 30 minute wait. During this time, no-one questioned Hannah’s level of disability or if she could she transfer unaided or if she could walk. Nothing. When the time came, two different workers watched me carry Hannah onto the ride. We both sat down and were strapped in by the workers. Ready to go – how exciting! Until… a worker came up to me (not Hannah) and asked if Hannah could walk. They continued to ask if Hannah could walk off the ride if it broke down. I calmly explained they had just seen me carry Hannah onto said ride, so obviously she could not. At this point, the crowd of people waiting for the next train and in the queue were looking at us. The girl said Hannah could not ride due to health and safety. I began to cry due to being so angry. They had embarrassed us by letting us get on to then be publicly removed from the ride. When I asked to speak to someone about this, I was consulted with the most rude, uninterested member of staff. I have never experienced such a horrendous level of customer service.

    Hannah, unconsolable at this point, was angry and fed up due to the ignorance of your staff. We headed off to the customer service centre to try and turn the day around. Alton Towers – your life saver of the day was the lovely and empathetic man we met next who explained health and safety considerations and the rides Hannah could go on. Why was this not done at the start of the day? The staff member then gave us a refund and also managed to stop us all from crying. At this point, we decided to draw a line, look at what we could go on and set off again.

    The Teacups… surely this had to go smoothly right? We enjoyed a lovely little ride, Hannah started to smile. When we asked if we could stay on for another go, we were told we had to have a two minute break between each ride so we had to get off to get back on. Considering the fact it took us over three minutes to get the wheelchair and get Hannah off, please explain to me, with NO queue (and I mean no queue) how we couldn’t stay put for a second ride? This is a perfect example of how an adaptation could be made to meet the needs of a person with a disability.

    We then went to Duel, as the leaflet specifically said this ride had disability access, and spent five minutes looking for the disabled access entry point. When we couldn’t find it, we asked a staff member. The reply was, ‘Oh yeah we used to have disabled access, but we don’t anymore’. At this point, all we could do was laugh from the shock. Due to the ridiculousness of it all, we decided to leave. Why did the leaflet say Duel was an accessible ride when there was no disabled access?

    After spending £40 per ticket, driving for one and a half hours, and wasting my Birthday, we went on two rides – The Runaway Train and the Teacups. If you know Hannah, she is the biggest adrenaline junkie and these rides are known as ‘children’s rides’. She isn’t wrong. Wheelchair users want the same experiences as everyone else.

    Our suggestions to Alton Towers about how to become more inclusive
    Ok so what is wrong with all of the above? There are two separate topics I want to address:

    (1) Ride accessibility
    Alton Towers claims, “We are committed to providing an enjoyable and safe visit for all of our guests” and “We reserve the right to refuse admission to certain rides should we feel there is a danger to an individual for whatever reason”. I accept all the above, however we are in 2020, and other parks have been able to make real adaptations for wheelchair users.

    Having been to Disney World, Universal Resorts, Blackpool Pleasure Beach and EVEN Alton Towers two years ago… how can this theme park claim to be inclusive for people with disabilities when a fully grown adult can only have fun on a teacup ride. As a family, we are also part of a charity which takes large groups of children with disabilities to Disney World every two years. Disney World claims, on their website, that for ALL rides the individual must be ambulatory OR assisted by members of their party, i.e. any ride is accessible as long as there is another party to support them. The same goes for Universal Studios and Blackpool. Why is this the case in the biggest theme parks in the world, but not one local to us? Furthermore, as an example, at Disney World there are 45 rides over 4 parks which are available to wheelchair users, with 6 even having transfer devices available.

    Please learn from the above, this is incredible. As a family, we have helped Hannah to achieve her dreams and not put any limits on her. We know this is not always possible, due to health and safety, but believe me we try. My advice to you Alton Towers, is if you wish to be as big and as inclusive as other theme parks, and provide amazing experiences for all people, please look at what you can do as an organisation to better yourselves. This includes larger changes, e.g. investment in transfer devices, plus smaller adaptations (e.g. as referred to above with the Teacup ride) to provide a better experience.

    (2) Employee attitude and awareness
    Taking out the fact most of your rides are unavailable to certain disabilities, the way we were treated and the lack of awareness and training with disabilities was the biggest issue here. It was disgraceful. Examples include not speaking directly to Hannah, going through numerous staff members and gateways without them checking our ability to use the rides, rudely shouting “SHE CAN’T WALK” in front of everyone, the lack of awareness of the disability restrictions, the not being able to make very small adjustments (i.e. at the Teacups), and causing a very distressing and embarrassing scene in front of a crowd at Rita and not opening the safety bars promptly to let us off the ride.

    This is the reason we are taking this further – Alton Towers needs to invest in clearer guidance for guests with disabilities, needs to train staff on this guidance, and then needs to provide behavioural training for staff to prevent these issues from occurring again. Please let Hannah and me to offer to personnally come and train your staff on how to speak to people with disabilities, expose your staff to awareness and build positivity around this. Not one person spoke to, or apologised to Hannah herself. She had to sit and listen to you argue with me around how her disability has effectively ruined our day. Not our fault, yours.

    Best wishes
    Becky, Hannah and Lucy.

    https://www.change.org/p/alton-towers-disability-awareness-training-for-public-facing-staff-members?recruiter=46994629&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=share_petition&utm_term=G%3ESearch%3ESAP%3EUK%3ENonBrand%3EExact

  • Here’s Why Your Child Misbehaves Just For You

    Have you ever had one of those days where you wonder what you’re doing wrong because your child is so well behaved for everyone else, but isn’t for you?

    Challenging behaviour, pushing boundaries, screaming, crying, not listening, shouting, you get the idea.

    People will say you’re too soft and need to get tougher.

    Or that you’re not disciplining them properly and need to gain more respect.

    Or that you have lost control.

    Or that you are a rubbish parent.

    Want to know what I think?

    Its because your child knows you understand them more than anyone else.

    It’s because your child knows that they can show frustration, anger and emotions that we all have and you will still unconditionally love and support them.

    It’s because your child knows that you’re the one person who can make everything better.

    It’s because your child knows you’re the person they can always go to with all of their problems and will never be silenced.

    It’s because your child knows that if they want to cry then they can when you’re there.

    Next time you pick your child up from nursery or from school where they say they’ve been angels all day and once home their behaviour becomes challenging maybe it’s because they’ve been holding it together all day and with you they can let all of their emotions out. Because they know you are never going anywhere. Because you’re their mum.

    So why do they behave differently for you?

    It’s not because you’re their soft touch.

    It’s because you’re their safe place.

    You’re not doing anything wrong, in fact you’re doing everything right. You’ve reassured your child that they can share their feelings with you and that whatever those feelings are, you will love them unconditionally.

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Children’s mental wellbeing means the world and I’ve started sharing what I do at home to encourage my kids to talk about their feelings and emotions through play – have a look here www instagram.com/thenofiltermum

  • Snowflakes Don’t Get Social Media Or Shut Up

    Stay at home snowflakes, don’t get social media, leave us the hell alone.

    “A snowflake is someone who is easily offended or felt they needed a “safe space” away from the harsh realities of the world, but now has morphed into a general putdown for anyone that complains about any subject”.

    I am fed up of bloody snowflakes, can’t say anything without someone get offended, like seriously what has happened to the world that everything upsets someone.

    Can’t ask if someones baby is a boy or girl as some weirdos want to let their child decide what gender they will be, we must refer to them at theybies, BULL SHIT, your baby either has a penis or it don’t! What is so wrong with being a girl or a boy.

    Can’t criticise someones behaviour even if they are being a total cock just in case they have a disability or a rough childhood, Mate if someone is urinating up my car what should I do, bloody smile and them and ask them if they are ok, according to snowflakes I should be more understanding of other people’s needs, oh fuck a duck dear, my car has rights to, the right not to have some cretin piss up it.

    Please for the love of all things sane stop getting your knickers in a twist, yes things piss me off (often) but I don’t need to constantly throw the “bullying” card around or the this offends me line or the best one ever “you need Jesus” nah pal he needs me.

    If you get that upset and need a poxy trigger warning above each post you clearly are too highly strung to be able to cope with social media, take up knitting Barbara Big Balls.

    Vegans go home, Breast is best SHUT UP we know, genderless kids oh bore off.

    You bunch of melts its time you lived in the real world, no one will ever have the same views on some subjects and you forcing your shit down our throats won’t change a thing.

  • Your Child’s Behaviour Is Down To You

    I have notice so many people talk about how their children behave badly and they are the “problem”. Have you ever sat back and thought where they have learnt this behaviour, why they may be acting out, ask yourself this, are you happy all the time? Do you sometimes feel grumpy or angry for no reason? Of course you do, you are human so why do you expect your children to behave perfectly all of the time or to smile when they are sad. 

    And quite frankly THEY ARE KIDS!!! They don’t know how to handle their emotions, or even how to grasp certain situations, they are learning, they may feel over whelmed or not know how to express how or why they are feeling a certain way at that point in time.

    Let’s take a moment and look at our situations and think, how am I making these kids feel? How is my own emotions and the way I handle said emotions leading example to these kids, am I giving my child room to breathe and teaching them about their emotions or am I trying to repress them and stop the feeling.

    We must not ask our children to change how they feel, if they do not feel comfortable kissing Auntie Edna then they should not be forced to, if they don’t feel like dancing don’t make them, if you want them to hold your hand to safely cross the road then you enforce it, children should only be made to do things which is positive or healthy for them, pretending that they are happy is only beneficial for you not them.

    We must teach our children and sometimes even ourselves how to constructively express their feelings in positive ways.

    We must teach ourselves it is ok for our children to be sad or angry sometimes, we must look at how we speak to our children because this can become their inner voice, we also must remember no one is perfect and behaves perfectly all the time.

  • Why Your Child Is Good At School But “Bad” At Home 

    Your children’s teachers insists they are as lovely as can be during the school day—but that’s not what you’re experiencing when 3 o’clock rolls around. They don’t have split personalities, they’re just experiencing something called “after-school restraint collapse.” And, according to experts, it’s both totally common and totally something we can help our children overcome.“Children experience this in various ways. Some children have a complete meltdown that involves temper tantrums [or] refusal of parent directions while others just withdraw or are quiet for awhile after school,” says Stacy Haynes, CEO and counseling psychologist at Little Hands Family Services.

    Haynes explains it’s only natural for kids to release their emotional, mental and physical energy as soon as they leave the gate. After all, they had to show a lot of self-control during the school day.

     

    After-school restraint collapse is extremely common in kids under 12, says Psychotherapist Nancy Brooks , and (thankfully) lessens as children develop more emotional resiliency.

    Until then, the symptoms of after-school restraint collapse are likely familiar to parents of young children: “When they come home from school they will regress emotionally,” says Brooks. “They will act younger than their age and whine, cry, throw tantrums, act needy, moody and generally have a meltdown. They will look and behave as if they are exhausted.”

    How you can help ease the after-school transition

    At the end of the school day, most of us parents are eager to ask all about the day. But that may be the last thing a child needs for a while, says Haynes. “Give children time to get a snack [and] relax their minds,” she explains. “Offer your child a physical activity directly after school, sports, yoga or walking are great releases that help to balance the mind and body.” Homework can also wait and will probably be done better as a result of a brain break.

    Parents should be aware of how we act when we get home, as our kids are likely to model our behavior. If we’re irritable as soon as we walk in the house our kids will likely follow suit. (After-work restraint collapse is real, too!)

    “I often use my car ride home to decompress from the day and to allow myself to be ‘fresh’ for my family when I walk through the door,” says Haynes, who says meditation and yoga can help parents unwind. You can even do this together with your kids.

    As the school year goes on, Brooks says you can expect after-school restraint collapse to ease up a bit—both because of our children’s increasing maturity and their adjustment to the new schedule. She says if it’s still happening two or three months into the school year, parents should seek guidance from a pediatrician or a child therapist.

    Until then, have hope: Going back to school is a transition for everyone in the family!

    A little tip to help your child; I started bringing a drink and snack for my son so that he couldn’t have till he was buckled in his car Then I’d take his shoes off & play calming music or nothing at all on the way home. For my other kid who could care less about food, I fill a soft sided lunchbox with some of her favorite small toys or books in it & change it up every day. She loves the surprise of it but seeing her familiar things & it’s usually enough of a distraction to let me get her in the car Hope this helped & good luck, mums.

  • If You Play With Her I’ll Smack You!!!

    One mother has taken to Facebook to rant, her child Deon has previously had behaviour issues and struggled to control her anger. How would you react if a child was threatened not to play with your child?

    The mother said
    “BE ADULTS NOT A COWERED people seem to have a problem with their children playing with Deon.

     I have now been told on a number of occasions of adults threatening their child with physical abuse if they play with her, Deon has had anger issues in the past and she has learned to control her anger and her school would agree before they finished up that they had noticed a big improvement in her behaviour. She is a 7 Year old child that cowardly parents pick on and even sent a letter from angry parents all you are is cowards.

    I have now had a child crying scared to go home because she might get slapped for playing with Deon.

     I wont stop any child playing with my children even if they have had arguments in the past, they’re kids that’s what kids do and i will contact social workers for the children that are scared as this is not on growing adults picking on children I would approach the adults but I don’t know who they are. 

    Any issues with my children contact me don’t take it out on your child”.

    How would you react in this situation?

    Do you stop your child playing with anyone?

    If so please let us know in the comments section