WHAT’S GOING ON WITH OUR NURSERY RHYMES 🤭
Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are,
Well actually I don’t because I’ve just sang that you are a star. You can’t be a diamond in the sky because you are a STAR
In fact you are probably not even a star anymore, you probably burnt out years ago.
If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.
But if you clap your hands every time you are happy, you are gonna look well weird, and if you’re not sectioned then someone may throw you a fish.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Hang on a minute. An egg falling off a wall is now a matter of national security. They got nothing better to do? No wonder our country is going down hill if we are crying over a cracked egg that should have been in the bloody fridge anyway, not sitting in the sun on a wall. Salmonella!!
Hickorie dickorie dock, the mouse ran up the clock,
Well call the pest control if you have mice running round your house. So unhygienic especially with kids.
Three blind mice, see how they run, they all run after the farmer wife, who cut off their tails with a carving knife …
So many things wrong here, firstly how do they know the mice are blind. I wasn’t aware there was ophthalmology for rodents and if they are running after someone in particular then they must be able to see her.
And if said mice were blind, then why would you cut their tails off too. Double whammy. There has to be some sort of animal rights protest about this. And note to self, don’t have a roast that the farmers wife has made unless she’s cleaned her knives.
The Grand old Duke of York, he had ten thousand men, he marched them up to the top of the hill and he marched them down again.
Great! So when our soldiers are called to war, all they will know how to do is march, they will probably be knackered, but they could answer some questions on positional language of a hill. Screwed.
Old King Cole, Was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he;
So was he drunk?
He called for his pipe,
And he called for his bowl,
And he called for his fiddlers three!
And every fiddler, he had a fine fiddle,
And a very fine fiddle had he.
I have no words, this is so inappropriate, this guy would well have been arrested and questioned.
Incy wincy spider climbed up the water spout, down came the rain n washed the spider out.
The end. The spider drowned. And if it didn’t I’ve just walloped it with my shoe, so it Defo won’t be climbing anywhere again
